Just stop it right now!

Seriously, stop it. I’ve only gone and found an exercise (can’t really call it a sport) that I like!!!!

My friend and I attended, for two whole weeks in a row, aqua aerobics! I’m not sure how fun it would be without our instructor who motivates us by “pushing it to the maaaax!!!!”
She is absolutely brilliant and most importantly I don’t get all hot and sweaty and therefore stressed out! I also bruise like a peach and tend to leave the gym with a new bruise every time without knowing how….

Ok so that might be an incident related with wine rather than exercise but I think it makes my point re the peaches.

There’s a lot of exclamation marks going on here because I am super happy to first of all have an exercise buddy and second of all, not hate life by having to do exercise!! Oh why the hell not, let’s have some more, I’m feeling good!!!!! Are these the elusive endorphins? We even get floating dumb bells to play with, totes feeling the burn… Just full on loving it right now!

Now the tough part, keeping it up and finding something else I like as it’s only on once a week… Tomorrow’s venture is body balance, not quite sure what it is but the poster made it look like yoga but who knows. I hate going to classes alone but I need to keep it up while I’m in the zone.

Well that’s it for now, I’ve seized up again from my squat challenge so crawling into bed sounds good. Looking forward to waking up to 30 day fit telling me to do some squats to “look sexy as f*ck naked” and carrot fit telling me I’m obese and to stop eating… More on those treats another time. Night sweet cheeks.

Oh did I mention we had a slight boob incident with the frog jumps? A proper swim suit has been purchased for next week…

Smashing it

Started a squat challenge of 100 a night (plus some planking crap and push ups and some sort of “crunch”) and now I can’t walk. Good thing??

I’m fat

So, I’m trying a new approach. Public humiliation, I’m hoping people will help me shift what can only be described as whale blubber.

A bit of background….

I’m the typical dieter with no results. You name it, I’ve tried it. Some work for a while and then the weight comes back on because I’m greedy and can’t resist alcohol and cheese.

(The one picture that’s not of Stella or a box of cheap plonk)

I’m 28 and a slight Bridget jones-esque singleton (without even the glimmer of a Mr Darcy though) and I think it’s time to stop wearing spanx.

My first dieting experience was weight watchers for 12 weeks and I didn’t lose one pound…. Quite impressive. I did slimmers world and lost about 5lb but hated the classes. I did lighter life and lost 3 and a half stone, wowsers. Oh whoops, a stone went back on. I did Rosemary Conley but didn’t lose as much as I wanted after lighter life’s success so gave up like the quitter I am and am now 2 stone heavier then I was at my heaviest! Well done some may say…

I’ve considered the option of being a plus size model but unfortunately I’m too plus size and not particularly pretty. I also considered being a fat fetish webcam style model…. Couldn’t figure out how to make money off it. Also worried that if they didn’t even fancy a piece then I’m really screwed.

So, back to the drawing board and I’m doing the old fashioned yet trusted method of lower calorie intake and exercise. Ugh.
I’m still waiting for that “high” people get from exercise. I hate being hot and sweaty. I can’t seem to find a sports bra that fits me, I get cramps in my toes all the time and I genuinely hate everyone in the gym, they’re all staring at me thinking why is there a whale out of water. And don’t tell me no ones watching because I certainly am, and I’m judging them all.

Back to the reason for this blog then, I need help. I ate 2 croissants and a sandwich all before noon today. The more people that know I’m a beast, the more embarrassed I’ll be which will hopefully shame me into skinniness…. Fingers crossed, and toes, and everything else that could possibly be crossed (I’ve actually started doing yoga as well, that involves a fair bit of entangled limbs, maybe that will help.)